Every German soldier was a goose-stepping Nazi SS Officer (and other selling points)

It's true: every living adult male of German descent in the 1930's-40's goose-stepped everywhere they went in knee high leather jackboots adorned with metal plates solely (no pun intended) for the purpose of making loud, menacing nazi sounds as they marched. Not once in nearly two decades did anyone ever bend their knees. They even rode their bikes straight-legged, and the answer to every question was "Mein Führer!" with a straight-armed salute. When they weren't doing the wave in the stadiums at Nazi Party rallies with Hitler, they were all SS officers in concentration camps, shooting Jews for fun, and dancing New York Rockettes-style in synchronized swastika patterns out in the yards.

Out for a Sunday stroll.

At least, that is how all German soldiers are typically portrayed and viewed in the average public forum of antique stores, flea markets, estate and garage sales. In public, I can gauge how many of these stereotypes are going to be referred to by simply asking the price of an item and waiting for the seller's reaction. If it has a swastika anywhere on it, they'll make sure you know it, and most likely give you a lecture because you look under the age of 40 and therefore are probably stupid. Online is a bit of a different field, mostly because you aren't forced to be face to face with lecture dingbats, and because there are sites now dedicated to selling primarily German militaria, and they don't wrap the entire German armed forces into the single term of "nazi."

Wait--stop! You're ruining my perception of evil!

Outside of specialized stores, collecting German WWII militaria can be a risky business---fakes, inflated prices, misrepresentation, and people's sensitivity are the main pitfalls. Be prepared to constantly defend yourself for being openly interested in it. I say openly, because I think many more people are interested in it than they'll admit, usually condemning it while obviously wanting to see items for themselves. I only bring up the public mentality of German items because it dramatically affects how things are sold. The best way of approaching any interaction is to be knowledgeable of the basics of what it is you're looking at, of course. However, there are some extra hinderances with German militaria that can make collecting frustrating:

1. All Nazis, All the Time. Contrary to exclusively popular belief, the Nazis were a political party, and not everyone was a part of it. Being alive and residing within the boundaries of Germany did not make you a nazi. Being in the armed forces also did not make you one, but 99% of the time you find anything adorned with a swastika, it will be tagged or sold as "Nazi." Nazi Dagger. Nazi Canteen. Nazi Tube Sock. This is just a fact of life. The first thing I noticed about serious collectors was their lack of the use of the term unless they were actually describing something that was attributed to the Nazi Party.
2. Sensationalism. I wish I had a dollar for every time I picked something up at a store or show and the guy at the table puffed out his chest and said, "That's NAHHHT--ZEEEE, right there." While it is tied to my first point (in naming everything nazi), it's the way they say it, and it's meant to shock and awe you. Like you're supposed to gasp and drop it, overwhelmed by it's evil. Naturally, the intentionally dramatic delivery gets other people's attention, and suddenly you'll find yourself with many more sets of eyes beating down on you. Sometimes I just want to say, "Look, everybody needs to relax--it's a bread bag strap."
3. Social Stigma. Many people think collecting German items is inappropriate, morbid, and must mean you are a skinhead or Hitler worshipper. There are also people out there that believe it should all be destroyed. While I do not agree with these people, I have realized there really isn't any use arguing with them. You could give the most beautiful speech on the importance of historical artifacts, and they will still say you just hate Jews. Or that you hate America. I made the unfortunate mistake once of asking an old guy if some buttons he had (plain, non-descript uniform buttons) were German, and he freaked out on me, waving his arms and saying, "Why would I have those?! They're the other side! They're the enemy!" Fun fact: the buttons were German.

Taking those points into consideration, I'd like to describe (as before with the U.S. items) some of the most common German points of caution (I was going to say red flags, but you know, most of their flags were red *drum rimshot*):

1. Anything Attributed to the Waffen-SS --- The elite fighter's gear has suddenly not become so elite. The intense interest and demand for genuine SS items has made the market explode with fakes and reproductions. Camo gear, helmets, insignia, knives, uniforms, equipment--anything that could possibly bear an SS rune stamp is so highly sought after that fakers have literally just made stamps and started pounding on regular gear to make the price quadruple. As the quality of reproductions has risen, so has the probability that they are passed off as real. With careful study, many fakes are obvious, but you have to know what to look for. The best source of information: seeing real examples in person. If you're not sure how that is accomplished, you should try going to a thing called a museum.

"Psst, hey--hey man. I've been meaning to tell you--that camo looks good on you. Very slimming."
"Mehhhh. I dunno...too bad it's not going to be worth anything in the future."

2. Helmets with "Battle Damage" -- I know this is a super specific facet of the whole helmet genre, but it is something that has been gradually irritating me more over the years. While I don't remember ever seeing a shot up US helmet for sale in person, I have seen several German ones. It's very easy to see why: casually selling a US helmet with the implication of a soldier being KIA would be disrespectful and horrific; casually selling a German one is super cool--the quintessential "war trophy." You see them advertised online all the time, and usually at much higher prices. But here's the thing: bullet holes do not look the same as holes caused by age, deterioration, or simply punching a hole in it with a hammer. German helmets are made out of steel, and over time corrosion sets in, often leaving holes that have been rusted or broken out. Also, there is no way to tell whether a helmet has been shot 70 years ago in Russia or 30 years ago in a backyard. That doesn't deter people from waving them around claiming "battle damage." I came across this douche at a gun show once, walking around with a helmet in his hand. I think I asked him if he was selling it. He was laughing like a dick, "The guy wearing this had a bad headache---got a .45 caliber aspirin to fix it." I was like whatever dude, you're clearly not old enough to have the right to say stupid shit like that, but go ahead and keep waving that around like you're the one who pulled the trigger. I have seen pictures of genuine helmets that have been shot when still being worn, and even 70 years after the fact, they are not pretty: aside from the obvious enter and exit holes, the lining was still dark and stained from all the blood and gore. Something very bad obviously happened inside of it--you know, like someone's brains got blown out. If you are okay with owning something like that, or claiming you own it, where a man very obviously died wearing it, then more power to you, you're going to pay a lot more for a most likely unverified "battle damaged" helmet. Bottom line: shot helmets of any nationality are not cool---they are tragic, and at the very least should be handled with a measure of respect. If you think they are cool, like the prick I met, you're probably a douche that just fantasizes about how awesome killing people is. Even Audie Murphey's wife said that once, while watching a film newsreel about German orphans after the war, he broke down crying, saying he felt guilty and responsible for many of those children no longer having fathers.

I always wanted 29% of a helmet!

3. "Ground Dug Relics" from Europe -- If you've ever looked for a German helmet on eBay, I guarantee you've seen a reoccurring sight: deteriorating, rusted out, barely recognizable blobs being sold as dug up from famous battles across Europe. The Battle of Kursk, for example, is a popular one. In fact, most "relics" dug up and sold on eBay are from Eastern Europe, ranging anywhere from helmets to gun hardware to bits of planes. Anything that could possibly have been dropped on the ground can be bought as a true relic that witnessed every major battle that ever took place. That's not to say these things weren't actually found at battle sites--I'm sure most of them were, since every site in Europe was a battle site--but who is to say this person didn't just get an old post-war helmet and bury it in their backyard for a couple of years? Many times they're sold as being found by people who were on vacation and just happened to come across an SS helmet with chickenwire, decal, and Normandy camo perfectly intact while they were strolling along Omaha Beach. Don't get me wrong, if I were walking around somewhere and came across a rusty piece of crap that came into the world as a real German item, I'd probably crap myself I'd be so excited. Would I pay for it? No. And frankly, why go to the trouble of buying a nasty shard of whatever it supposedly was, and have to get a tetanus shot the instant after you touch it?

Listed as "German Paratrooper belt buckle found in Normandy"

4. "One of a Kind" Items Attributed to High Ranking Officials or Officers -- For being a rather small pool of people, they seemed to have quite a lot of crap that meticulously (and miraculously) stayed together and in immaculate

P08 presented to Hermann Goering (supposedly)

shape all these years. While everybody else was dumping their insignia and any damning evidence of higher ranks at the end of the war, these golden-gilded superstars were apparently donning their tassels and flair with grace, polishing their personally engraved, pearl-handled sidearms and making sure all of the fancy decorations in their offices were perfectly placed. And when the Americans and Russians came politely knocking on their doors, they neatly folded their uniforms (complete with medals and expensive custom insignia), put the guns back into their presentation boxes, took down the pictures of themselves shaking hands with Hitler on Christmas, and handed them over to their captors, saying, "Here. In about 70 years, you can sell these for $50,000 at an auction in Ohio." Mostly likely if you're reading this, you're not a high roller dealer that can shell out $100,000 on a gold P38 presented to a hero general on behalf of the Nazi Party. You're more likely to come across a random item that is still extravagantly priced, but sold as a "one of a kind," or super rare with only X number ever made. In the years since WWII, the hyped up cult of the Evil Nazi has produced "fantasy items," aptly named pieces people have created to satisfy the need for over-the-top, gaudy items bearing a swastika. I've seen these sold as the aforementioned one of a kinds, and unfortunately, many people fall for the hype spending hundreds of dollars on a dagger or medal they think belonged to a party leader, when really some 12 year old in Indonesia was paid a spoonful of rice to glue it together.

Hitler's desk set, taken home by a GI as a souvenir.

The desk set in use.

5. Concentration Camp Guard Items -- These are the epitome of all my points rolled into one. Physical representations of the incarnation of evil: shocking, offensive, and every stereotype of the murderous nazi together in one package. With the addition of some insignia and faked paperwork, a plain uniform belonging to a Heer (army) private can turn into one that spent time on an SS officer at Auschwitz. That wouldn't stop people from paying thousands of dollars to own it. This is the area of German militaria that is the most clouded for me, because I feel like genuine, identifiable and traceable items belonging to soldiers assigned to the camps don't belong in private collections--they should be in places of public education. Don't get too huffy: besides being impossibly rare, the likelihood of you coming across something that fits those parameters while digging around at an estate sale is literally a tiny shred of never. Unfortunately, for every collector with good intentions, there are dozens of creeps who have created the public image that those who collect WWII German militaria are only interested in glorifying ethnic-cleansing death camp guards.

*Holocaust "Artifacts" -- I'm adding this here because while it has ties, I want to clarify that I do not consider this a part of German militaria collecting. At all. Take a waltz around eBay, and see what is available to buy--fresh from Dachau! A star of David patch? Some wooden shoes? Toothbrushes "made from bone"? How about a prisoner's striped uniform, or their picture and some paperwork saying they died in the camp? All are available, and for only a few thousand dollars! Or tens! Let's put aside the insanely high probability of fakery here for a moment. Besides museums, educational and historical centers, I find the private purchasing of these things offensive. I do, and maybe that makes me a hypocrite or whatever, I don't care. But if you're not buying them for an institution (and I very highly doubt any established place is going to go trolling around on eBay for their collections) then what are you doing with them? Putting them on display in your house? Hanging up across the room from where you sleep? Sitting on a shelf where you eat breakfast? No matter what it is--every single thing, from an armband to an entire uniform, is tied to an actual human being's suffering, one of which I guarantee the buyer has never or will ever know. I know this entire blog is my opinion--but it is my sincere feeling that if you specifically buy items of prisoners of concentration camps and other victims of the Holocaust for your own personal pleasure--you are a sick fuck. Period.

Russian soldiers check out their prizes from the claw machine.

I feel a bit guilty this post on common generalizations and warning signs was so much bigger than the one on U.S. gear, but it seriously doesn't scratch the surface of either one. I just hear and see so much of the same crap from people, I just wanted to finger-paint a picture of what it can be like out and about in the real world. Fortunately, you get the joy of reading about my awkward and uncomfortable adventures in collecting without having to experience them yourself. The fun of collecting is in the hunt, and I admit that if there weren't all these crazy challenges, it wouldn't be much fun. Yes, there will be the occasional jerkface or intense situation (like the fateful Button Incident of 2012...) but you do come across people who are glad (and mildly surprised?) to see someone else appreciate these things for what they are. And aren't, you know, going to go home and chop everything up to make steampunk crap they'll lose interest in when that fad finally ends two years from now.